Mine's Bigger Then Yours
by Raven-2010
Summary: Late at night Inuyasha goes to a hot spring because of the dense steam he can't see anything, thinks he's alone finds Sessh Kouga & Miroku sniping starts, they leave the water & find a 5th male there & the fun begins who's is bigger comedy Inutaisho/Kag


**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takashi and VIZ Media do Rated R Language **

A/N ok I know this is brief but it's something I had in my twisted mind after listening to a couple of male friends wise cracks, Inuyasha,

Kouga, Sesshoumaru, Miroku and Inutaisho updated, extended April 6 2011, characters ooc, LOL thanks everyone Inutaisho/Kag

**Mine's Bigger Then Yours**

**By Raven 2010 Nov 13 2010**

**The hot spring, unexpected guests, the snipe fest, taunting Inuyasha**

It was late at night and Inuyasha wanted to, and felt like he needed to have a nice long warm soak in his favorite hot spring, he grabbed the soap then looked back at his mate lovingly before he turned and left. When Inuyasha got to the hot spring the water was so hot that the steam was so dense you could not see a hand in front of you

Inuyasha stripped then stepped into the water not noticing that someone else was also there. He closed his eyes sat back against the bank of the hot spring bank and relaxed, as he sat continuing to relax he finally caught a familiar scent

"Mangy wolf" Inuyasha mumbled "Come to stink up the water?

"Mutt face you flea bag" Kouga retorted "Come to pollute the water with your smelly butt, and dog germs?

"What the hell are you doing here? Inuyasha asked

"Bathing duh, ya stupid mutt, and I was here first dog breath" Kouga retorted "Yeah unlike you I bathe regularly" when was your last bath 3 months ago?

"Yeah well I don't see your name written anywhere on the hot spring as owner" Inuyasha replied "The only reason your bathing is because Ginta, Hakkaku, and the rest of your tribe couldn't take the stench anymore, and told you to take a bath or you couldn't be their leader anymore"

"Yeah well at least I'm alpha of my tribe" what are you the groups number one bitch? Good thing Kagome's alpha, hell as dumb as you are even the monk would make a better alpha then you" Kouga said to aggravate Inuyasha

"_**Whaaat" **_the wench ain't alpha, ya brainless smelly wolf"

"Finally decided to take a bath did ya? What was the stench getting to you? Kouga replied

"Oh really if I was as rank as you all of Japan would be dead from the stench alone" Inuyasha said

"Well I don't smell like a wet dog that rolled in it's own piss, then let it dry in, and wore like it was some kind of great smelling perfume" Kouga insulted

"Yeah well at least I don't smell like wolf butt that just finished taking a crap, hehehe" Inuyasha retorted and laughed

'Spoken like a true dickless mutt" Kouga said

"Huh it's a well known fact that dogs have more then wolves, hehehe" Inuyasha shot back

"Keep dreaming Sukiyasha"

"I'm not a girl like you" what's wrong having that time of the month are ya? Hm? Kouga needled

"Ass wipe" Inuyasha bit out

"I'm not, but then I wouldn't wanna be a butt licker like you either, slurp" Kouga insulted

"Well Since you can't stick it you can always lick it, oh limp one" Inuyasha needled

"Hell a good canine licks, sticks, and plows it alllll night long, you'd know that if ya had a staff instead of a stump" Kouga shot back

"Why you mangy asshol" Inuyasha started but was cut off

"Would you two mind keeping it down? Some of us are trying to relax, and bathe in peace you know" Miroku's voice was heard

"What the fuck? Kouga and Inuyasha said

"Yes I to like to bathe, plus the ladies love a clean male" Miroku stated

"You mean so the ladies wont smell ya, and know that your spying on them you giant perv" Inuyasha ragged

"Call me what you will, I still say the ladies love a clean male, and you would know that if you bothered with live women" Miroku replied

"Agreed" a fourth voice said

"Sesshoumaru oh great now the bastard's here to, lovely" Inuyasha insulted

"Yes little brother, and I do mean little" Sesshoumaru retorted

"What? Inuyasha said, not believing he heard what he had just heard "I ain't little"

"Pity you have such short comings, if you get my meaning" Sesshoumaru answered

"Ohhhhh shit" Kouga and Miroku both said

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Inuyasha snapped

"Well little one I'd draw you a picture in the dirt but that would mean getting out of the nice warm water and I'm just not ready to yet" Sesshoumaru said

"Sesshoumaru screw you" Inuyasha snapped "Ya sissy wench"

"Sorry can't do that only females are allowed to screw me thank you so much, you'd know that if you liked women"

"I'm mated to one ass face" Inuyasha snapped

"Doesn't mean you don't have a secret side" Now does it? Sesshoumaru needled

"Fuck you fluffy" Inuyasha bit out "I ain't got no secret side"

"Yes that is what females call my moko moko when I bone them on top of it" Sesshoumaru teased

"You mean more like bore them with your lack of dick" Inuyasha needled

"My, my jealousy doesn't become you, trying to belittle someone to make up for what your drastically lacking is really sad" Sesshoumaru said

"Ha, ha, ha, he's got ya there dog breath" Kouga taunted

"Yes Sesshoumaru sama so true" Miroku agreed

"She bitches" Inuyasha said

"Well little brother since you are to little to stick it, you can always lick it" Sesshoumaru wise cracked

"Now that's an idea, he'd finally be running his mouth for something worth while for the first time in his life, slurp, slurp" Miroku razzed

"Indeed" Sesshoumaru agreed

"Speaking from experience are we? Inuyasha tried to rebound

"Wouldn't you like to know" Sesshoumaru replied "But I will say this there are different kinds of meat"

"Yeah but in your case it is butt meat" Inuyasha replied

"Little brother you speak of butt quite a lot, almost constantly" are you sure that your not hiding some secret preference? Sesshoumaru ragged

"Yeah dog breath tell us, we wanna know" Kouga added

"Yes Inuyasha we don't judge" Miroku said

"_**Whaaaaat? **_Fuck you" in fact why don't you three bitches go fuck each other? Inuyasha bit

"I like girls" all three replied, then laughed evilly setting Inuyasha's blood to boil

"I hate you fuckers" Inuyasha said in a defeated tone

"Gentlemen gentlemen please is this any way to spend bath time? Said Miroku

"Dog fight in the hot spring woof, woof" Kouga teased

"Ah shut it wolf" Inuyasha barked

"Up yours and around the corner Constipationyasha" Kouga replied

'Screw you Kuogafart" Inuyasha ragged

"Well we are dogs" are we not? And we are fighting" Sesshoumaru said to bust Inuyasha's balls

"True thoroughbred lord ice prick" aren't ya? Inuyasha needled "Gee don't get near any heat it might melt and fall off" he said forgetting that they were in hot water

"At least I have a prick, hehehe" Sesshoumaru retorted "And mine only falls into the warm cavern of a female"

"Fluffymaru" Inuyasha wisecracked

"Better then being a whining little bitch" Sesshoumaru who never really swears replied

"Sukiyasha"

"Assfacemaru" Inuyasha said

"Inujaken" Sesshoumaru said knowing how much Inuyasha hated Jaken, Inuyasha didn't answer and only growled which meant Sesshoumaru won

After a good long soak in the hot water, and when the brotherly snipe fest ended the men felt that it was time to get out of the water. All four climbed out at the same time and were about to get dressed, and could not help but see each other with the surprised looks that crossed their faces

"My mate calls mine her pillar of pleasure treasure" Inuyasha said smugly with a big smirk

"And mine is called spitting never quitting snake of death" Kouga added with a grin

"Mine's called flaming tower of power" said Sesshoumaru smiling evilly

"Sango calls mine holy staff ascension and redemption" Miroku stated with a proud lecherous grin

They bent over to pick up their clothes to start getting dressed, then they heard splashing in the water that they had just gotten out of. When they saw who it was they looked shocked, but when they caught a brief glimpse of the 5 th males length which was to his knee they gasped, and their eyes went wide and mouths were agape

"Oh my kami's" wide eyed Miroku said

"Gasp, holy fucking shit" Kouga and Inuyasha remarked

"Hm" was all Sesshoumaru said in his usual calm cool demeanor

"That's not a penis it's a fucking tree" Inuyasha said "How the hell can he even walk with that damn thing? And how can he fit that thing inside a living female?

"Inuyasha he is truly the king" Miroku commented, then gave a bow "And we must honor the king"

"What? You pups are in with the big dogs now, when you pups are finished growing up you'll have one to, my mate calls mine king Taisho the slayer" Sugimi told them while smiling proudly

"Father I do not know how you managed it but welcome back" Sesshoumaru said "And who is this mate you speak of?

"Welcome back lord Sugimi" Kouga greeted

"Dad how did you come back? How long have you been back? Inuyasha said "And who's this mate of your's?

"A week, and how a resurrection spell brought me back and I owe that person a lot" Sugimi answered

"Who? Inuyasha asked while they all dressed themselves

All awaited Inutaisho's answer even though Sesshoumaru surmised who but did not voice his thoughts. Then the group heard a very familiar female voice as she walked over to the hot spring and all jaws dropped "Hah? What? Was heard

"Good evening boys" Sugimi are you gonna play in the water all night? Or are we going to do what you promised we would do again? Kagome said and at the same time she latched onto his ear

"K, Kagome? Inuyasha stammered

"Whoa Sugimi way to go" Kouga said

"Yes I must say I am proud of you, Kagome is a real treasure" Miroku stated

"Congratulations to you both" Sesshoumaru said

"You Kagome? Kag and you? How? Inuyasha gasped out

"Little brother I do believe in the same way that father, and your mother created you" Sesshoumaru wise cracked

"Shut up, and eeeeew that ain't the part I was talking about" Inuyasha snapped

"Well you did ask fool, hehehe" Sesshoumaru replied while laughing

"Yes mate let us leave now good night all see you in a few days" Sugimi said before they left

"Ha, ha, ha mutt face" Kouga teased

"Sesshoumaru doe's your brother not understand what mating, or a mate is? Sugimi teased

"Father he is unbelievably dense"

"Yes Inuyasha, you know male courts female, then they hump all night, but in our case for days, hehehe" Kagome teased loving the beautiful red Inuyasha had turned

"No, no, no, no, no shut up, I don't want to know about you two humping, somebody kill me please, there's a mental image burned into my head that I never wanted" Inuyasha complained

"Good work miko" Sesshoumaru said

"Awww mutt face we're all adults stop being such a wuss" Kouga razzed

"Yes Inuyasha that we are, and mating is a wonderful thing" Miroku added

"Yeah Inu baby cave kept a rockin alllll night long" Kagome ragged the poor red faced hanyou, who's face quickly flushed white after hearing her last statement

"Mate? Hah? I, I, I still do not believe I" Inuyasha never finished the sentence and passed out cold

"Gods I love my work" Kagome joked "Hey this is better then sitting him, and a whole more fun to

"Yes I must admit I quite enjoyed it myself" Sesshoumaru admitted

"Well looks like we'll be carrying him back to the village this time" Miroku said

"Awww poor thing fell down and went boom" Kouga joked, Sugimi took Kagome in his arms formed his orb and flew off at top speed, poor Inuyasha stayed in shock for days.

**Don't rile the miko, the chase, and payback**

Sugimi, and Kagome went to the village a few days later, and told everyone the whole story of how Kagome was called through dreams to use, then used a resurrection spell given to her by the kami's themselves, and that she and Sugimi were to be mates

"Keh, that's all fine and well but I ain't callin you mother" Inuyasha said

"You better not, if you don't want to wake up dead" Kagome replied, and gently smacked him in the back of his head

"Ooooouch, Daddy mommy bruised me" Inuyasha ragged

"_**Inuyashaaaaa" **_she screeched

"Uh oh, bye see ya" Inuyasha exclaimed jumped up and ran

"You know I swear he does that just to get a chase" Miroku commented

"Hm, it is my opinion that he loves the pain" Sesshoumaru stated

"You know I think your both right" Sango said

"Ah mutt face always did love pissing Kagome off, but watching her kick his ass is endlessly fun" Kouga added

"The boy is one sick pup" Sugimi added "But you are right Kouga it is fun to watch"

"Inuyasha you get back here now" Kagome yelled

"No way wench"

"You little weasel, get back here and take it like a man" Kagome said

"Not happening wench" Inuyasha answered

"Mate don't wear yourself out" Sugimi teased

"I wont, I just wanna kill him a little" Kagome replied

"Have fun" Sugimi said

"Dad you traitor" Inuyasha yelled back while running

"Just looking out for your best interests son" Sugimi replied

"Yes little brother you did start it" Sesshoumaru reminded

"Oh crap" Inuyasha said when Kagome got to close one time, and the chase continued

"Get a move on mutt face your slower then a 90 year old woman" Kouga ragged

"Mommy don't beat me I'll be a good wittle boy" Inuyasha yelled to Kagome in a taunting tone while still being chased

"_**Siiiiiiit" **_was heard echoing through the forest

"Ah shit" crash "I forgot about these damn beads" Inuyasha whined

A few minutes later Kagome came back dragging a branch with an unconscious Inuyasha tied to it, and who instead of his haori, and hakama was now wearing a cloth wrapped around his private parts like a diaper, and his hair tied up with a big pink bow. When he came around he was not going to be at all happy with his current situation, he came around felt he was lacking clothes, then looked

"Ahhhhh, wench what the hell did you do to me? Inuyasha hollered

"What? You acted like a baby so I dressed you like one, you look so adorable" Kagome said while smiling

"Ohhhhh, I hate wenches" He said in defeat

"Poor wittle mutt face, she's so cute though" Kouga taunted, Inuyasha was to defeated, and tired to care and said nothing


End file.
